Such an emo post previously! My life is actually been great majority of the time aside from the minor arguments! My time here in Melbourne is almost over, but I have learn a lot during my time here. It's time that I continue my journey through life.
These feel weeks has been pretty overwhelming. I finally got a taste of working seven days straight! It wasn't so bad because our hostel manager finally realized that we are REALLY understaffed and that we were being overloaded so he finally hired three new staffs hahaha... After the seven days, I had two days off, but I ended up getting Sunday off too because I had another plan.
Friday, I got to relax for the day and did nothing. I was waiting for my new phone to come because I completely killed my Moto X. I dropped it twice during Easter camp. Although the phone was still working, it was cracked on basically every corner of the phone. I thought maybe I could finish my trip keeping this phone. I finally dropped it one more time during work when I needed to check the time to write the time on the time sheet. That final drop completely killed the screen to the point that the phone could not register my finger press on the lower half of the phone. Overnight, the screen stopped turning on. I went on the week without a phone and how hopeless I felt. I was looking for new phones and wanted to text Satie to help me check if the store near her work that was closing out if they had any phones on sale, but I couldn't. I wanted to listen to music, but I didn't have a device. I wanted to check out Google Maps to get somewhere, but I couldn't... When we moved to Adrian's place, he only had one fob to share among the three of us. I couldn't even call one of the girls to let them know that I'm home and to come open the door for me. @_@; How reliant are we on our technology? We questioned how people did it the old fashion way. I finally decided on getting the Huawei Nexus 6P, but Australia charges such a high premium due to outside of the US. US sells the phone for US$499. JB Hi-Fi, the Best Buy of Australia, was selling it for AU$947 which converts to US$740. I couldn't bare the fact that I'm paying such a high premium for... anything really. I finally found a highly rated eBay seller selling the phone for AU$755 which converts to about US$590. Yes, it's still more expensive, but if I add in the Massachusetts tax and shipping, it comes out to somewhere around the ballpark. Plus, I really needed a phone. I was going to settle with a cheap AU$300 phone, but the phone does not have the right band to be used in US. Also, I would feel like such a waste of money spending $300 on something that I won't like and it cannot be used outside of Australia. The phone finally arrived on Friday and I was so excited to use it! I love the phone so much. The only downside is that the phone is really heavy and it's even bigger than the Samsung Galaxy Note in terms of phone size (same screen size). I picked up some groceries, ran some errands, and picked up my phone. That night, I went to care group and had a relaxing night.
Saturday, I had the day off from work, so I decided to go to go church! I always enjoy going to church, but I'm always working on Saturdays... After church, I got to catch up with some friends that I've met at Easter camp and say some goodbyes. I also saw Calla, which didn't remember me, but she's someone that I met the last time I went to church and we had a good chat. We ended up going to Crystal's house after church to just relax and chat, but I had to head off early because I signed up to volunteer at the Melbourne Color Run with Eliza! :) The weather was cloudy, dark, and really wanting to rain. I was going to call it off, but I didn't want to disappoint Eliza haha... So I ended up going and had the best time of my life! We volunteered at the Snow zone which was a cannon blowing out bubbles! We got tired of cheering for the runners after an hour an a half, so we ended up ditching the team and seeing if we can run the track before it was over. By the time we got back to the starting line, they were already cleaning up. :( So we ended up going for the concert instead, which was refreshing. I haven't danced my butt off since my clubbing days. I'm really glad that I went and had a lot of fun even though the weather was cold and rainy~ I've never been to a Color Run before because the last time I tried to go, I got into a car accident. This time, Eliza and I volunteered, so we saved $70 each!
Sunday, another day of funnnn~ Hehe. Church friends planned a hot spring trip at Mornington! Satie, Isabel, and I tagged along. We were so distracted all morning that we ended up getting to Mornington by 4PM, so we grabbed lunch before heading off to the hot spring. It was great and relaxing, especially being able to be with friends! But it was a bit crowded which somewhat killed the mood. The one I went in New South Wales was a bit more expensive and I think that's why not many people were there on the day that I was there, but it was a totally different experience and it felt more relaxing with tranquillity and quiet. Either way, it was great to be seeing people and getting out of the house! Haha...
I'm glad I have so many friends in Melbourne and got to experience some new things before heading off. This coming Saturday will be my last day of work. After that, a new journey awaits me. I hope my rest of the trip will be as awesome as my time here in Melbourne!
Thursday, April 21, 2016
Tuesday, April 19, 2016
Disagreements
Am I destine to be single5ever?
Tension has been really high lately between Satie, Isabel, and I... It seems like I am always doing the wrong thing without noticing. Am I not considerate about other people? Or is women really hard to understand?
Saturday, Isabel, Aarati, and I went to Satie's restaurant to try her ramen because they were having a promotion. After eating, Isabel and Aarati decided to go look for bed sheets while I was too full to move so I stayed in my seat. Satie got out of work and rushed me to the bus stop because the bus was arriving in 4 minutes. Without thinking, I got up and ran with her while texting Isabel if she knew how to get to the bus stop. We watched the bus leave and I decided to go back into the shopping center to look for Isabel. When I got back into the shopping center, Isabel started yelling me at for ditching them and leaving them behind. I felt really angry that two girls yelled at me for something that was not entirely my fault. Aarati tried to comfort me, but I didn't talk with either of them for the rest of the night.
Sunday, Satie and I were talking and Saturday night incident somehow came up. We got into a huge argument and she said that if I have anything bothering me, I should just speak up others will understand how I'm feeling and resolve it into of just keeping it in. We got to the point of both of us storming into our rooms. I started praying to God after what I should do... I didn't want our friendship to just mess up like that. I really value our friendship... I finally got an answer after a few minutes of thinking and praying. It's easy for people to blame other people. But we often don't think about maybe we had our part in wrong doing too. I ended up going into Satie's room and apologizing to her saying that I am wrong and I will try to speak up next time when something bothers me.
Tuesday night, we were packing up to move out of our apartment. Satie saw that I was keeping my cactus. She asked, "Are you keeping that?! Just throw it away!" I said Isabel mentioned that she wanted to keep it... Then I said to Satie that she is not considerate about things that aren't hers. The whole night that I was packing, I was asking if she wanted to keep things. She'd just keep replying aggressively saying, "Aishhh, that's not mine!" It got to the point that I just stopped caring and started throwing everything away. I know things aren't hers. In my point of view, I was trying to be considerate to see if she still wanted to keep the items. The toaster is not yours, the bathroom cleaning products are not yours. I ask you if you wanted to keep them because they might come in handy after we move and you said you wanted to keep those things. I accidentally brought up an incident two months ago and she got extremely upset at me.
Wednesday, I honestly forgot that I needed to be at the reception to sign off the lease to the apartment. She was angry at me for two extra days because of that. She did not confront me until tonight because another issue came up.
Today, I booked a bus ticket to Adelaide on the 25th and booked a car from Adelaide to Alice Spring on the 26th with Louie. She wanted to go to Alice Spring for an interview and I wanted to try a road trip to Alice Spring if I can find someone else to split the cost with. Just so happened that we found a car from Hertz that needed relocation and we only have to pay $1/day for the car rental but we have to pick up the car on the 26th. We booked everything before I left the hostel. (For a while, we were planning a trip to the Grampians, but nothing really solidified and no one was really planning much other than "oh, lets go." However, we all took the days off for ANZAC Day for that.) When Isabel and Satie came home, I told them the plan I just made today. They got angry at me. I was inconsiderate to not tell them my plans before booking my bus and car. They feel that I should tell them my plans before booking anything rather than telling them that after the fact. I tried to play it off like, "Okay, I'm wrong. Sorry." because I honestly didn't think I had any fault in that and I didn't feel like arguing but it only made Isabel more angry to the point where she took her dinner back into her room to eat. When Satie came out of the shower, she talked with me about what Isabel felt. She felt like I didn't let her know anything and just went ahead and made my own plans. Yes, I kind of did that because Satie said she didn't want go to Grampians if it's more than a day trip. I didn't want to go to the Grampians if it's just a day trip because 6 hour drive is tiring on top of hiking for the day and I don't think it's enjoyable if it's just a day trip. Then Satie brought up the day of our lease signing. I said, "Okay, I'm sorry. I honestly forgot that I had to be there." She stormed off.
What's going on... Am I really inconsiderate? Is this part of having a relationship between humans? I haven't felt like this ever since I've arrived in Australia. My whole trip, I was a carefree free spirit person just going with the flow. All of a sudden, I make some close friends and now I have all these issues going on. I believe I am a very care free person and not that many things bother me. Even if something bothers me, I usually suck it up and move on because ignorant is bliss. I rather deal with it and not let the other person know than to let them know because humans get offended easily and things only get worse. I have no authority to make them wrong because I don't feel like I am perfect as well. We all do things that we don't mean to hurt or bother others. Afterall, we are humans. We bomb other countries thinking that will solve problems because talking doesn't work. I have apologized more than I have done in the past. The facts are out there and we cannot change it. I don't know what you want me to do.
And that's why I feel like I will never find a partner that will match my personality. Someone who is carefree and free spirited. Someone who doesn't get bothered by minuscule issues; just shrug it off and move on. Someone who is tidy and clean. Someone who enjoy cooking together. Someone like my mother... I finally realized how 伟大 my mother really is. She never once minded how I am and how I turned out to be. She didn't complain about cleaning after me. She didn't get bothered that she needed to bring food up to my room because I'm too lazy to go downstairs. She didn't mind that she needed to pick me up after school because I had to stay after to do work. I read some articles that we are deeply influenced by how our parents raised us up and our ideal partners are something like our parents. Afterall, that's why we love our parents, right?
Tension has been really high lately between Satie, Isabel, and I... It seems like I am always doing the wrong thing without noticing. Am I not considerate about other people? Or is women really hard to understand?
Saturday, Isabel, Aarati, and I went to Satie's restaurant to try her ramen because they were having a promotion. After eating, Isabel and Aarati decided to go look for bed sheets while I was too full to move so I stayed in my seat. Satie got out of work and rushed me to the bus stop because the bus was arriving in 4 minutes. Without thinking, I got up and ran with her while texting Isabel if she knew how to get to the bus stop. We watched the bus leave and I decided to go back into the shopping center to look for Isabel. When I got back into the shopping center, Isabel started yelling me at for ditching them and leaving them behind. I felt really angry that two girls yelled at me for something that was not entirely my fault. Aarati tried to comfort me, but I didn't talk with either of them for the rest of the night.
Sunday, Satie and I were talking and Saturday night incident somehow came up. We got into a huge argument and she said that if I have anything bothering me, I should just speak up others will understand how I'm feeling and resolve it into of just keeping it in. We got to the point of both of us storming into our rooms. I started praying to God after what I should do... I didn't want our friendship to just mess up like that. I really value our friendship... I finally got an answer after a few minutes of thinking and praying. It's easy for people to blame other people. But we often don't think about maybe we had our part in wrong doing too. I ended up going into Satie's room and apologizing to her saying that I am wrong and I will try to speak up next time when something bothers me.
Tuesday night, we were packing up to move out of our apartment. Satie saw that I was keeping my cactus. She asked, "Are you keeping that?! Just throw it away!" I said Isabel mentioned that she wanted to keep it... Then I said to Satie that she is not considerate about things that aren't hers. The whole night that I was packing, I was asking if she wanted to keep things. She'd just keep replying aggressively saying, "Aishhh, that's not mine!" It got to the point that I just stopped caring and started throwing everything away. I know things aren't hers. In my point of view, I was trying to be considerate to see if she still wanted to keep the items. The toaster is not yours, the bathroom cleaning products are not yours. I ask you if you wanted to keep them because they might come in handy after we move and you said you wanted to keep those things. I accidentally brought up an incident two months ago and she got extremely upset at me.
Wednesday, I honestly forgot that I needed to be at the reception to sign off the lease to the apartment. She was angry at me for two extra days because of that. She did not confront me until tonight because another issue came up.
Today, I booked a bus ticket to Adelaide on the 25th and booked a car from Adelaide to Alice Spring on the 26th with Louie. She wanted to go to Alice Spring for an interview and I wanted to try a road trip to Alice Spring if I can find someone else to split the cost with. Just so happened that we found a car from Hertz that needed relocation and we only have to pay $1/day for the car rental but we have to pick up the car on the 26th. We booked everything before I left the hostel. (For a while, we were planning a trip to the Grampians, but nothing really solidified and no one was really planning much other than "oh, lets go." However, we all took the days off for ANZAC Day for that.) When Isabel and Satie came home, I told them the plan I just made today. They got angry at me. I was inconsiderate to not tell them my plans before booking my bus and car. They feel that I should tell them my plans before booking anything rather than telling them that after the fact. I tried to play it off like, "Okay, I'm wrong. Sorry." because I honestly didn't think I had any fault in that and I didn't feel like arguing but it only made Isabel more angry to the point where she took her dinner back into her room to eat. When Satie came out of the shower, she talked with me about what Isabel felt. She felt like I didn't let her know anything and just went ahead and made my own plans. Yes, I kind of did that because Satie said she didn't want go to Grampians if it's more than a day trip. I didn't want to go to the Grampians if it's just a day trip because 6 hour drive is tiring on top of hiking for the day and I don't think it's enjoyable if it's just a day trip. Then Satie brought up the day of our lease signing. I said, "Okay, I'm sorry. I honestly forgot that I had to be there." She stormed off.
What's going on... Am I really inconsiderate? Is this part of having a relationship between humans? I haven't felt like this ever since I've arrived in Australia. My whole trip, I was a carefree free spirit person just going with the flow. All of a sudden, I make some close friends and now I have all these issues going on. I believe I am a very care free person and not that many things bother me. Even if something bothers me, I usually suck it up and move on because ignorant is bliss. I rather deal with it and not let the other person know than to let them know because humans get offended easily and things only get worse. I have no authority to make them wrong because I don't feel like I am perfect as well. We all do things that we don't mean to hurt or bother others. Afterall, we are humans. We bomb other countries thinking that will solve problems because talking doesn't work. I have apologized more than I have done in the past. The facts are out there and we cannot change it. I don't know what you want me to do.
And that's why I feel like I will never find a partner that will match my personality. Someone who is carefree and free spirited. Someone who doesn't get bothered by minuscule issues; just shrug it off and move on. Someone who is tidy and clean. Someone who enjoy cooking together. Someone like my mother... I finally realized how 伟大 my mother really is. She never once minded how I am and how I turned out to be. She didn't complain about cleaning after me. She didn't get bothered that she needed to bring food up to my room because I'm too lazy to go downstairs. She didn't mind that she needed to pick me up after school because I had to stay after to do work. I read some articles that we are deeply influenced by how our parents raised us up and our ideal partners are something like our parents. Afterall, that's why we love our parents, right?
Wednesday, April 13, 2016
Life
Different people want different things in life. Some wants fortune, some wants fame, some wants adventure, and others just want to help out the world a little bit at a time. But we all have one ultimate goal in life: to be happy.
Happy: (noun) feeling or showing pleasure or contentment.
We may all take different routes in life, but all of our ultimate goal in life is to achieve happiness. But how do you do that? By doing something that you love to do or achieving what you want to achieve in life. To a person, maybe wealth brings them happiness by having a lot of money in their bank account. A lot of people feel happier with their life when they are well known by a large community. Some people just want to go to third world countries and help out those in need and that will give them fulfilment and joy in life.
For me, I am currently doing what makes me happy. I am traveling in Australia -- learning new knowledge, experiencing different prospectives, developing personal skills, meeting new expectations, sparking up my desires to achieve big things in life, and most of all... I am living the life that makes me happy. To my parents, they might not think this is what life is all about as different people have different views in life. To them, having a house, a family, stable income, and a good retirement is what life is about. I can honestly say, I can live my whole life without a real estate or luxurious possessions and I'd still be happy because I am living my life. Money does not bring happiness. Happiness comes from doing what you love. I was never good at expressing my feelings and emotions through words, but I think my mother is slowing understanding that I am doing what is best for myself. Sometimes, I feel like I am being selfish for leaving my family back at home and leaving Dexter with my parents, but I am certain that this is what I need to do right now.
My mother asked me, "You have been in Australia for eight months now. What have you learned?" Again, I am not good at expressing myself through talking, but I can reassure you that I am a whole new person. It doesn't always have to be technical skills and knowledge that I have to learn. This trip has helped me develop my (inter)personal skills. Back at home, I felt like I was losing my mind. I'd come home from work, play video games, take Dexter out for a walk, sleep, repeat. Work was the same thing everyday. Life was the same thing everyday. I was not learning. I was not developing. I was constantly reminded that I should do more with my life. My work was a low paying job and I need to find something better. I was surrounded by peers that were constantly judging and comparing between each other. I can say this trip was an escape from that. Ever since I've arrived to Australia, I have received nothing but positive feedback. I was constantly reminded that I am really brave for traveling on my own. I am really intelligent for working out such complex planning on traveling with other people. My cooking is delicious. Talking to me made their day. I am very friendly and constantly have a smile on my face even after a long hard day. I can achieve more than what I expect in myself. The people I come across, the friends I meet, and the colleagues I work with, all has build my self-confidence. At home, I was in the dirt. I had no confidence in myself and I didn't believe that I can achieve anything greater than what I had. I beat around the bush hoping that something might come to me. I was too shy to go to company events and holiday parties. I didn't have any motivation for self-development. Long story short, it was bad. But after the last eight months, I have gained what I was seeking for this whole time. I believe that I can achieve what I set my mind to and go beyond what I think I am capable of doing. In the end, even if I fall, I still have two arms and two legs to pick myself up and try again.
So go on, do what makes you happy because that is what living is all about. Do what makes you happy as not as you're not being selfish to others. If you want to travel, go and travel on your own budget. If you want to volunteer at a third world country, then go help the little children. If you love playing video games, make a career out of it by making YouTube videos or streaming to support yourself. If you want to study psychology, double major in something else that can act as a support for your interest just in case one does not get you a stable income. If you want to spend your days smoking weed, then get a job at your local McDonald's and earn money for your weed. Life is an endless opportunity. Don't let the noises in your life affect how you live because at the end of the day, the life is yours and no others. Don't let other people navigate your life. Do what you love and you won't regret a single day.
Tuesday, March 29, 2016
How The Tables Have Turned... Testimony
I have opened the doors to my heart and let Jesus into my life.
Four years ago, if you asked me what I think of Christianity, I would say religion is all rubbish. Never in my life time would I ever believe in those foolish things. Science has the ability to prove and disprove all kinds of things in this world so why should I ever rely on religious explanations? Religion is just another business scheme and one hell of a good one because it has convinced so many followers and one that raked in major amount of money from being a religious non-profit organization. Everything religious was just junk to me and not a chance would I fall for that. I wasn't negatively against religion, but I felt that it was not necessary in my life and it was not something that I would ever believe in.
Summer of 2013, Isabel asked me if I was interested in attending church. Back then, Isabel was more like an acquaintance. She was Eva's friend and we barely went out together. In fact, I don't think we have seen each other since graduation in 2012. Isabel was a devoted Christian and has been baptized. Many of her friends moved away from Boston area around that time, so she wanted to find some new friends to attend church with on Sundays. I thought, why not? She's pretty cute and it can be an excuse to hang out with her more often and get to know her!
We went to a church in Cambridge for the first time; some random church that she found. My thoughts? It was alright. I vaguely remember that the speaker talked about God's blessing to us and that we should treat each other with respect and gracefulness. I thought the message was very good but it didn't get to me. We left church after the worship was over for lunch. She decided to introduce me to another church that occurs in Chinatown instead. They meet every Sunday, it was more targeted towards the Asian community, and there were more people of our age.
I started attending the Boston Chinese Evangelical Church every Sunday, even on days that Isabel could not make it. I really enjoyed learning that messages of God in terms of looking at life's problem in another prospective. While you're stressed or upset or angry, there are different ways of dealing with the issue. Going to church gave me comfort. It made me feel peaceful and calm. But it still didn't get to me. I was attending every Sunday morning, but that was about it. It was quite a big church and even though people were nice to me, I didn't really meet any new friends. They all seemed to already have their own group of friends and I usually leave after the morning worship. I keep His message in mind, but it didn't really do much.
September 2013, while driving to a 5k run with Susanna and Baldwin, we got into a car accident. My car was totalled and cannot be repaired. Luckily, Susanna, Baldwin, and I were all safe. At that moment, I truly believed that God was watching over us and that he had more plans for us (I think that went through my head because I was attending church at that time). I prayed to Him that night thanking Him that we are all alive and safe. But that was about it. I didn't have a car for a month, I got lazy, and I stopped going to church. I eventually bought a bible, but it ended up in a drawer collecting dust. That was the end of that.
2015. Over the years, I'd pray about random stuff that were insignificant and lane. But then I was unhappy with my life, my job, and wanted change, but I didn't know what to do. I started praying to God asking Him to show me what I should do. Isabel turned up to have a client in Providence for a week, so she decided to stay at my house for the week since I live closer to Providence. While being at my house, I explained to her about my situation and that I am unhappy about my job and a lot of other things but didn't know what to do. She told me that I should look into this thing called a Working Holiday Visa. It's a visa that lets me go to another country, travel, and work without having to have a company sponsor me a working visa. I was still doubtful about leaving home and leaving Dexter. Within two months, I made up my mind, quit my job, and went for it. At first, I wanted to go to New Zealand, but things didn't work out so I ended up spending the year in Australia.
Things went smoothly for me and I met a lot of new friends and experience a lot of new things in Australia. When I chose to settle down in Melbourne due to my love for the city, I didn't know what to expect in Melbourne. I found a job in December 2015 and had to move out of Melbourne Metro YHA. I moved into an apartment where I met Nina and Josh, both of which attends a "care group" -- a Christian bible study group that meets every Friday night to dine together, study the words of God, an to learn more about Christianity. Nina asked if I would be interested in joining. I gladly accepted the offer thinking it's another good chance to just meet new people! After all, I made a goal to boost my confidence and talk with people instead beating around the bush bring shy.
I started to attend the care group every Friday night, even on days when Josh could not attend (Nina has already left for Sydney/Tasmania for a job opportunity). Although I was reluctant to go on some Fridays, I pushed myself to go. The care group have some of the nicest people that I have ever met. As I continue to attend the group, I gradually felt that they gave me a sense of being a part of the family. Especially Kay and Nat -- they really made me felt like being part of a close knitted family and I am welcome to attend whenever I am available. I didn't get to attend church that often which took place on Saturdays due to work at the hostel. The group is part of Seventh-Day Adventist Church. They worship on Saturday because Saturday is the seventh day of the week for them. From sunset of Friday to sunset of Saturday, they restrain from doing any work and the time is supposed to be spent with friends and God. Worship Him and go on nature walks; enjoy and take in the beauty of His creation. I really felt that I was part of a family, but I haven't felt anything for God or Jesus. I was more just there to be with the people than to be part of a religious thing.
Easter was around the corner. Nat told me about a camping trip that is occurring over Easter weekend with the church and he recommended that I should attend. He said it'd be fun and there's going to be a lot of people there; over a hundred! At first, I was very hesitant about going. Even with early registration, it was $150! That can last me a whole week worth of food! I was about to back out, but something made me felt that I should just go and enjoy it because the people in my care group was going to be here and I wanted to take that opportunity to get to know them better. Plus, I have never tried camping before, so it would be a great opportunity to experience camping. Also, there's going to be A LOT of people which means a great chance to meet more new people!!
I registered early and took Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off from work, but I was still hesitant... I didn't pay until the last moment when I was for sure that I was going to go! Lol... My housemate was saying that I might regret going because I wasn't religious at all and I might feel out of place. I said I'm just going to have fun and do all the non-religious things. Thursday night, I packed my small backpack and downloaded a Bible app so I can refer to it since they sent out an email listing what to bring, including a bible.
Friday morning, I kind of over slept. I wanted to wake up at 8, be out of my apartment by 9:30 and get to Melbourne University by 10:15. That was the time that the email said we will meet up at, but I showed up at 10:23 and we were waiting for people until 11:30 haha... I got paired up with Adrian's car along with Miriam and Tess, everyone from Olive Trees care group~ The drive was not bad and we got there safely. It's weird that once I leave the city, it's all farm land and empty land haha... In Massachusetts, we can still see houses in the suburbs wayyyy out of the city. We settled down and started doing some warm up mini activities/ice breakers to get to know our individual groups better.
Overall, the camp was filled with really fun activities as well as talks. It can't always be fun and games, you know! I always enjoy informative discussion panels. I don't know why people always think it's boring (Anime Boston, ECCASU, Knowledge Week, etc.). I guess it's because I'm the kind of person that is always seeking for new knowledge, so I enjoy attending discussion panels. I met a lot of new friends and I felt... Different. I was more open. When we did reflections on talks, I actually voluntarily speak in the group as to in the past, I wouldn't speak up unless I am picked on. During bonfire, I sang out loud and had the best time of my life without worrying that other people might judge me. I truly felt that these people accept you for who you are. They're different kind of people. They're the kind of people that loves you for who you are. They won't think you're weird. They won't exclude you from them because they think you're different. A lot of them even approached to talk to me. I felt comfortable greeting other people that I did not know as to regularly, I'd just shift my eyes away like I did not see them.
But the greatest thing about this Easter camp is that it changed me. I truly felt I was touched by the messages sent from God when the speakers were teaching.
"What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he loses one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness, and go after the one which is lost until he finds it? And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing." - Luke 15:4-5
Jesus would never leave you wandering. He celebrates one sinner who repents rather than only caring for the 99 that does not need to repent. "I would never leave you hangin'~" Another thing that hit me was that Jesus loves you no matter what. He has unconditional love for you and he's knocking on your door waiting for you no matter how long it takes.
While reflecting, Miriam mentioned something that I been seeking for for a long long time.
"People say if you don't see God, how do you know that he exist? But can you see wind? Can you see love? They're not something that you can see, but something that you can feel. That is just like God. You will feel His presence and his love. You don't need to see Him to believe in Him."
Slowly but surely, near the end of the camp, I finally felt Him... I started thinking and everything seemed to piece together... Jesus has been looking over me this whole time. Back in 2013, Isabel told me that if I truly believe in Him, I should find a night before going to bed to pray to Jesus. Tell Him that you are ready to let Him into your life and to ask for forgiveness for all of your sins. Tell Him that I will let Him lead my life and I will trust in Him and believe in Him. I did that one night but then totally brushed it off like I didn't do anything. But over the years, He was leading my life. He saved me from the car crash. He heard my prayers. He sent Isabel to me to let me know about Working Holiday visa. He led me to Australia. He led me to Melbourne. He led me to my current apartment to meet Nina and Josh. He led me to Olive Trees care group. He led me to Easter camp. It was all part of his plan to save me and educate me. It was all part of His plan to provide me the opportunity to learn more about Him and welcome Him into my life and to trust Him on his plans. I welcomed Him into my heart once and I want to do it once again. This time, I will genuinely let Him into my life and let Him lead me because I know He knows me better than I do. Jesus Christ, I want to make space in my heart for you.
Four years ago, if you asked me what I think of Christianity, I would say religion is all rubbish. Never in my life time would I ever believe in those foolish things. Science has the ability to prove and disprove all kinds of things in this world so why should I ever rely on religious explanations? Religion is just another business scheme and one hell of a good one because it has convinced so many followers and one that raked in major amount of money from being a religious non-profit organization. Everything religious was just junk to me and not a chance would I fall for that. I wasn't negatively against religion, but I felt that it was not necessary in my life and it was not something that I would ever believe in.
Summer of 2013, Isabel asked me if I was interested in attending church. Back then, Isabel was more like an acquaintance. She was Eva's friend and we barely went out together. In fact, I don't think we have seen each other since graduation in 2012. Isabel was a devoted Christian and has been baptized. Many of her friends moved away from Boston area around that time, so she wanted to find some new friends to attend church with on Sundays. I thought, why not? She's pretty cute and it can be an excuse to hang out with her more often and get to know her!
We went to a church in Cambridge for the first time; some random church that she found. My thoughts? It was alright. I vaguely remember that the speaker talked about God's blessing to us and that we should treat each other with respect and gracefulness. I thought the message was very good but it didn't get to me. We left church after the worship was over for lunch. She decided to introduce me to another church that occurs in Chinatown instead. They meet every Sunday, it was more targeted towards the Asian community, and there were more people of our age.
I started attending the Boston Chinese Evangelical Church every Sunday, even on days that Isabel could not make it. I really enjoyed learning that messages of God in terms of looking at life's problem in another prospective. While you're stressed or upset or angry, there are different ways of dealing with the issue. Going to church gave me comfort. It made me feel peaceful and calm. But it still didn't get to me. I was attending every Sunday morning, but that was about it. It was quite a big church and even though people were nice to me, I didn't really meet any new friends. They all seemed to already have their own group of friends and I usually leave after the morning worship. I keep His message in mind, but it didn't really do much.
September 2013, while driving to a 5k run with Susanna and Baldwin, we got into a car accident. My car was totalled and cannot be repaired. Luckily, Susanna, Baldwin, and I were all safe. At that moment, I truly believed that God was watching over us and that he had more plans for us (I think that went through my head because I was attending church at that time). I prayed to Him that night thanking Him that we are all alive and safe. But that was about it. I didn't have a car for a month, I got lazy, and I stopped going to church. I eventually bought a bible, but it ended up in a drawer collecting dust. That was the end of that.
2015. Over the years, I'd pray about random stuff that were insignificant and lane. But then I was unhappy with my life, my job, and wanted change, but I didn't know what to do. I started praying to God asking Him to show me what I should do. Isabel turned up to have a client in Providence for a week, so she decided to stay at my house for the week since I live closer to Providence. While being at my house, I explained to her about my situation and that I am unhappy about my job and a lot of other things but didn't know what to do. She told me that I should look into this thing called a Working Holiday Visa. It's a visa that lets me go to another country, travel, and work without having to have a company sponsor me a working visa. I was still doubtful about leaving home and leaving Dexter. Within two months, I made up my mind, quit my job, and went for it. At first, I wanted to go to New Zealand, but things didn't work out so I ended up spending the year in Australia.
Things went smoothly for me and I met a lot of new friends and experience a lot of new things in Australia. When I chose to settle down in Melbourne due to my love for the city, I didn't know what to expect in Melbourne. I found a job in December 2015 and had to move out of Melbourne Metro YHA. I moved into an apartment where I met Nina and Josh, both of which attends a "care group" -- a Christian bible study group that meets every Friday night to dine together, study the words of God, an to learn more about Christianity. Nina asked if I would be interested in joining. I gladly accepted the offer thinking it's another good chance to just meet new people! After all, I made a goal to boost my confidence and talk with people instead beating around the bush bring shy.
I started to attend the care group every Friday night, even on days when Josh could not attend (Nina has already left for Sydney/Tasmania for a job opportunity). Although I was reluctant to go on some Fridays, I pushed myself to go. The care group have some of the nicest people that I have ever met. As I continue to attend the group, I gradually felt that they gave me a sense of being a part of the family. Especially Kay and Nat -- they really made me felt like being part of a close knitted family and I am welcome to attend whenever I am available. I didn't get to attend church that often which took place on Saturdays due to work at the hostel. The group is part of Seventh-Day Adventist Church. They worship on Saturday because Saturday is the seventh day of the week for them. From sunset of Friday to sunset of Saturday, they restrain from doing any work and the time is supposed to be spent with friends and God. Worship Him and go on nature walks; enjoy and take in the beauty of His creation. I really felt that I was part of a family, but I haven't felt anything for God or Jesus. I was more just there to be with the people than to be part of a religious thing.
Easter was around the corner. Nat told me about a camping trip that is occurring over Easter weekend with the church and he recommended that I should attend. He said it'd be fun and there's going to be a lot of people there; over a hundred! At first, I was very hesitant about going. Even with early registration, it was $150! That can last me a whole week worth of food! I was about to back out, but something made me felt that I should just go and enjoy it because the people in my care group was going to be here and I wanted to take that opportunity to get to know them better. Plus, I have never tried camping before, so it would be a great opportunity to experience camping. Also, there's going to be A LOT of people which means a great chance to meet more new people!!
I registered early and took Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off from work, but I was still hesitant... I didn't pay until the last moment when I was for sure that I was going to go! Lol... My housemate was saying that I might regret going because I wasn't religious at all and I might feel out of place. I said I'm just going to have fun and do all the non-religious things. Thursday night, I packed my small backpack and downloaded a Bible app so I can refer to it since they sent out an email listing what to bring, including a bible.
Friday morning, I kind of over slept. I wanted to wake up at 8, be out of my apartment by 9:30 and get to Melbourne University by 10:15. That was the time that the email said we will meet up at, but I showed up at 10:23 and we were waiting for people until 11:30 haha... I got paired up with Adrian's car along with Miriam and Tess, everyone from Olive Trees care group~ The drive was not bad and we got there safely. It's weird that once I leave the city, it's all farm land and empty land haha... In Massachusetts, we can still see houses in the suburbs wayyyy out of the city. We settled down and started doing some warm up mini activities/ice breakers to get to know our individual groups better.
Overall, the camp was filled with really fun activities as well as talks. It can't always be fun and games, you know! I always enjoy informative discussion panels. I don't know why people always think it's boring (Anime Boston, ECCASU, Knowledge Week, etc.). I guess it's because I'm the kind of person that is always seeking for new knowledge, so I enjoy attending discussion panels. I met a lot of new friends and I felt... Different. I was more open. When we did reflections on talks, I actually voluntarily speak in the group as to in the past, I wouldn't speak up unless I am picked on. During bonfire, I sang out loud and had the best time of my life without worrying that other people might judge me. I truly felt that these people accept you for who you are. They're different kind of people. They're the kind of people that loves you for who you are. They won't think you're weird. They won't exclude you from them because they think you're different. A lot of them even approached to talk to me. I felt comfortable greeting other people that I did not know as to regularly, I'd just shift my eyes away like I did not see them.
But the greatest thing about this Easter camp is that it changed me. I truly felt I was touched by the messages sent from God when the speakers were teaching.
"What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he loses one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness, and go after the one which is lost until he finds it? And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing." - Luke 15:4-5
Jesus would never leave you wandering. He celebrates one sinner who repents rather than only caring for the 99 that does not need to repent. "I would never leave you hangin'~" Another thing that hit me was that Jesus loves you no matter what. He has unconditional love for you and he's knocking on your door waiting for you no matter how long it takes.
While reflecting, Miriam mentioned something that I been seeking for for a long long time.
"People say if you don't see God, how do you know that he exist? But can you see wind? Can you see love? They're not something that you can see, but something that you can feel. That is just like God. You will feel His presence and his love. You don't need to see Him to believe in Him."
Slowly but surely, near the end of the camp, I finally felt Him... I started thinking and everything seemed to piece together... Jesus has been looking over me this whole time. Back in 2013, Isabel told me that if I truly believe in Him, I should find a night before going to bed to pray to Jesus. Tell Him that you are ready to let Him into your life and to ask for forgiveness for all of your sins. Tell Him that I will let Him lead my life and I will trust in Him and believe in Him. I did that one night but then totally brushed it off like I didn't do anything. But over the years, He was leading my life. He saved me from the car crash. He heard my prayers. He sent Isabel to me to let me know about Working Holiday visa. He led me to Australia. He led me to Melbourne. He led me to my current apartment to meet Nina and Josh. He led me to Olive Trees care group. He led me to Easter camp. It was all part of his plan to save me and educate me. It was all part of His plan to provide me the opportunity to learn more about Him and welcome Him into my life and to trust Him on his plans. I welcomed Him into my heart once and I want to do it once again. This time, I will genuinely let Him into my life and let Him lead me because I know He knows me better than I do. Jesus Christ, I want to make space in my heart for you.
Thursday, March 17, 2016
Calling it Over?
I couldn't sleep, so I decided to pull out my laptop and blog about it.
My parents are taking care of Dexter for me for the past few months while I am away from home. Last month, my mom sent me a WeChat message saying that Dexter was behaving weird. He lost his appetite and seemed to be lack of energy for anything. He'd do his business on his walk and turn around immediately to head back home. At night, he'd start whining when my parents go upstairs to sleep. I got worried, but my mom reassured me that the very next day, he was back to normal and very energetic. A few days ago, my mom told me he randomly vomited in the middle of the day and he hasn't been having appetite for his own food. Dexter has been pretty spoiled with table food, so I kind of just brushed it off and assumed that he'll be fine. Today, I received multiple messages from my mom saying he is still not really eating food. He vomited again in the living room and it took my mom the whole day to clean and to get rid of the smell. For the past two days, he didn't do his #2 on his walk but instead do it over night in the living room.
That has been stressing me out all day. I was not in the mood to go to Mundo Lingo, but I ended up going because I wanted to take my mind off of that for a bit. I keep reminding myself to not stress over something that I cannot control, but Dexter is really important to me. Is it my parent's fault? They're spoiling him to no end. He's getting table food. My mom would let him out on his own to do his business while she goes to take a shower. He'd disappear into the woods for hours before coming back to the house. He's lacking discipline and no one to follow because my parents are so laid back with him. But it's not my parent's fault. It's my fault for leaving him with them. My mom keeps blaming me for leaving the dog with them and I need to come home soon... I feel guilty, but I want to blame my mom for everything that has happened. For moving to Attleboro. For not caring about how I feel about moving. For being too busy about earning money hopefully to give me a better life, but ended up leaving me lost. For not being there when I really needed someone. For telling me how I should live my life. For telling me that I'm wasting my time because I should be spending my youth years earning money. I adopted Dexter because I wanted a companion. Does she know how depressing it was to drive two hours home from work to return to a 1,800 sqft house with just me in it? Attleboro was the worse years of my life.
I don't know how I feel. I don't want to say I made a wrong decision for bringing Dexter home. I would never give him up. But what am I suppose to do? The thoughts kept running through my head...
"This is the perfect time. I'm 26 years old and I am going to take this opportunity to go travel the world, experience new things, obtain new knowledge, do everything that I've ever wanted to do. Live the life that I want to live. I broke free, so don't let my parents restrain me and tell me how to live my life. At the end of the day, it's my life. I should do whatever the fuck I want to do."
I truly want to really take these youth years to just keep discovering myself. I'm not ready to go home yet. But I have this little kid at home waiting for me to go home. After hearing what was going on with Dexter, I seriously thought about flying back home next month. Will I regret cutting my travels short for a dog? Will I regret it if anything were to happen with Dexter and I can't be there for him? I don't know. I really don't know... I know that if I go home now, I won't be doing anymore long term traveling and things will just go back to how it was before; living the boring day to day same old shit life. I also worry that having my parents not knowing how to manage taking care of Dexter will hinder my enjoyment of my travels because I will be worrying about back home. I inquired a friend today about the situation and he recommended that I find a friend that can help me take care of Dexter and preferably someone that is knowledgeable about dogs. But I already feel like a burden to have my parents take care of him. It would make it worse if I ask a friend to help because it's like asking a friend to look after your own kid for 5 months. That's just unreasonable because other people have things going on with their lives to be looking after your dog. It won't be an option but thanks for caring, Justin.
I felt better after Mundo Lingo. I asked if Satie will eat out with me for dinner so I can discuss it with someone, but she had other plans with friends. I ended up going to Coles, bought some meat, and came back to the apartment to make my own dinner. I just hope that the answer will come to me soon. I asked Unkei and Danny to help with the vaccination for Dexter. My mom told me to just send information on what to show the vet over on WeChat so she can show it to them, but honestly... I don't trust leaving my mom with that on her own. The vet will start asking questions and my mom would not know what to do from there. She keeps feeling like a burden on my friends to ask for help, but my friends are really willing to help out whenever they can.
My parents are taking care of Dexter for me for the past few months while I am away from home. Last month, my mom sent me a WeChat message saying that Dexter was behaving weird. He lost his appetite and seemed to be lack of energy for anything. He'd do his business on his walk and turn around immediately to head back home. At night, he'd start whining when my parents go upstairs to sleep. I got worried, but my mom reassured me that the very next day, he was back to normal and very energetic. A few days ago, my mom told me he randomly vomited in the middle of the day and he hasn't been having appetite for his own food. Dexter has been pretty spoiled with table food, so I kind of just brushed it off and assumed that he'll be fine. Today, I received multiple messages from my mom saying he is still not really eating food. He vomited again in the living room and it took my mom the whole day to clean and to get rid of the smell. For the past two days, he didn't do his #2 on his walk but instead do it over night in the living room.
That has been stressing me out all day. I was not in the mood to go to Mundo Lingo, but I ended up going because I wanted to take my mind off of that for a bit. I keep reminding myself to not stress over something that I cannot control, but Dexter is really important to me. Is it my parent's fault? They're spoiling him to no end. He's getting table food. My mom would let him out on his own to do his business while she goes to take a shower. He'd disappear into the woods for hours before coming back to the house. He's lacking discipline and no one to follow because my parents are so laid back with him. But it's not my parent's fault. It's my fault for leaving him with them. My mom keeps blaming me for leaving the dog with them and I need to come home soon... I feel guilty, but I want to blame my mom for everything that has happened. For moving to Attleboro. For not caring about how I feel about moving. For being too busy about earning money hopefully to give me a better life, but ended up leaving me lost. For not being there when I really needed someone. For telling me how I should live my life. For telling me that I'm wasting my time because I should be spending my youth years earning money. I adopted Dexter because I wanted a companion. Does she know how depressing it was to drive two hours home from work to return to a 1,800 sqft house with just me in it? Attleboro was the worse years of my life.
I don't know how I feel. I don't want to say I made a wrong decision for bringing Dexter home. I would never give him up. But what am I suppose to do? The thoughts kept running through my head...
"This is the perfect time. I'm 26 years old and I am going to take this opportunity to go travel the world, experience new things, obtain new knowledge, do everything that I've ever wanted to do. Live the life that I want to live. I broke free, so don't let my parents restrain me and tell me how to live my life. At the end of the day, it's my life. I should do whatever the fuck I want to do."
I truly want to really take these youth years to just keep discovering myself. I'm not ready to go home yet. But I have this little kid at home waiting for me to go home. After hearing what was going on with Dexter, I seriously thought about flying back home next month. Will I regret cutting my travels short for a dog? Will I regret it if anything were to happen with Dexter and I can't be there for him? I don't know. I really don't know... I know that if I go home now, I won't be doing anymore long term traveling and things will just go back to how it was before; living the boring day to day same old shit life. I also worry that having my parents not knowing how to manage taking care of Dexter will hinder my enjoyment of my travels because I will be worrying about back home. I inquired a friend today about the situation and he recommended that I find a friend that can help me take care of Dexter and preferably someone that is knowledgeable about dogs. But I already feel like a burden to have my parents take care of him. It would make it worse if I ask a friend to help because it's like asking a friend to look after your own kid for 5 months. That's just unreasonable because other people have things going on with their lives to be looking after your dog. It won't be an option but thanks for caring, Justin.
I felt better after Mundo Lingo. I asked if Satie will eat out with me for dinner so I can discuss it with someone, but she had other plans with friends. I ended up going to Coles, bought some meat, and came back to the apartment to make my own dinner. I just hope that the answer will come to me soon. I asked Unkei and Danny to help with the vaccination for Dexter. My mom told me to just send information on what to show the vet over on WeChat so she can show it to them, but honestly... I don't trust leaving my mom with that on her own. The vet will start asking questions and my mom would not know what to do from there. She keeps feeling like a burden on my friends to ask for help, but my friends are really willing to help out whenever they can.
Wednesday, March 9, 2016
*Yawn*
It was 39°C today, so Pancake Parlour was giving out free milkshake again. I went to the gym and decided I wanted to grab some free milkshake before going to bed. Satie decided to come with me, which is cool because I always enjoy a good talk with her. I finally feel like I've found a best friend here. We were talking about families and I felt something changed in me. I feel like I'm trying to reach deeper philosophically haha... Dreams are just what we want. Dreams are imagination. It's okay to have dreams, as long as we know how to differentiate dreams apart from goals. Goals are what we want to create. Life goals. Things that we know we can put our mind into and possible to achieve. It's very different from dreams because dreams are just desires without plans or progress.
Sometimes, I'm really glad that I had a poor childhood. A single mother trying to raise me while working at a sweatshop making minimum wage and trying to get through hoping that I turn into a successful man. She would beat me when I start crying about not being able to buy the flavoured water because it was too expensive. She would beat me because my teacher sent home notices saying that I wasn't paying attention in class and instead talk to my friend while the teacher was teaching. My mom apologized to me. But it wasn't her fault. Although I have not reached my full potential, you're a great mother, I grew up well, and currently doing what makes me happy. There's not that many things in life that I want. I just want my families, friends, the people around me, and Dexter to be happy and healthy. I have mini goals but I'm sure I will work towards what I would want to achieve ultimately in life slowly and steadily. I am only 26 years old. I have a long road ahead of me. I have a lot of time and there are so many things in life that I have not experienced yet. I want to live my life at my own pace. Don't worry, mother. I will make it and I will make you proud.
So I've been slacking off on blogging hahaha... On top of that, I've been quite busy lately trying to fill my last month here in Melbourne with activities and things to keep me busy. :) Two weekends ago, Satie, her friend, me, and Eliza made a trip to Mornington Peninsula. Boy was it beautiful. I can say it's as good if not, better than Great Ocean Road. At first, forecast said it would be a cloudy day with rain, but the weather turned out better than expected. We had a lot of fun and it was only AU$40 per person for the day trip. Beats going with a tour group!
Work has been not too bad either. Sometimes, I feel under appreciated, but that's just me being salty haha... This week is going to be busy busy busy because we're going to get a yearly inspection to see if we still qualify to be a YHA. Although I read and pretty certain that I cannot meet the requirement to apply for a second year visa back to Australia, I'm going to set mid-April as my last day of work here in Melbourne, take half a month off to travel some more, and the step my foot into Queensland for another new adventure into life. I'll be there from May to the end of August. Once that is done, I am for certain that I will do another year around New Zealand! Then who knows? 2 years in Germany? I had another talk with Satie a few days back too and I came to a conclusion for myself. At the end of the day, it is my life and I should live it the way that I want to live. Do what I want to do because this is the best time to do it! I will probably have more responsibilities once I get to around 30 years old and I won't have the same opportunity as I do now.
I'm really grateful for where I am right now and I am happy for all those I've achieved, even if it's just little things. These little things adds up to big things because not everyone can do what I've done. We humans have different goals and different paths. Walk the path that you want to walk towards and don't regret a single choice in life.
I'm really grateful for where I am right now and I am happy for all those I've achieved, even if it's just little things. These little things adds up to big things because not everyone can do what I've done. We humans have different goals and different paths. Walk the path that you want to walk towards and don't regret a single choice in life.
Sunday, March 6, 2016
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