Disagreements

Am I destine to be single5ever?

Tension has been really high lately between Satie, Isabel, and I... It seems like I am always doing the wrong thing without noticing. Am I not considerate about other people? Or is women really hard to understand?

Saturday, Isabel, Aarati, and I went to Satie's restaurant to try her ramen because they were having a promotion. After eating, Isabel and Aarati decided to go look for bed sheets while I was too full to move so I stayed in my seat. Satie got out of work and rushed me to the bus stop because the bus was arriving in 4 minutes. Without thinking, I got up and ran with her while texting Isabel if she knew how to get to the bus stop. We watched the bus leave and I decided to go back into the shopping center to look for Isabel. When I got back into the shopping center, Isabel started yelling me at for ditching them and leaving them behind. I felt really angry that two girls yelled at me for something that was not entirely my fault. Aarati tried to comfort me, but I didn't talk with either of them for the rest of the night.

Sunday, Satie and I were talking and Saturday night incident somehow came up. We got into a huge argument and she said that if I have anything bothering me, I should just speak up others will understand how I'm feeling and resolve it into of just keeping it in. We got to the point of both of us storming into our rooms. I started praying to God after what I should do... I didn't want our friendship to just mess up like that. I really value our friendship... I finally got an answer after a few minutes of thinking and praying. It's easy for people to blame other people. But we often don't think about maybe we had our part in wrong doing too. I ended up going into Satie's room and apologizing to her saying that I am wrong and I will try to speak up next time when something bothers me.

Tuesday night, we were packing up to move out of our apartment. Satie saw that I was keeping my cactus. She asked, "Are you keeping that?! Just throw it away!" I said Isabel mentioned that she wanted to keep it... Then I said to Satie that she is not considerate about things that aren't hers. The whole night that I was packing, I was asking if she wanted to keep things. She'd just keep replying aggressively saying, "Aishhh, that's not mine!" It got to the point that I just stopped caring and started throwing everything away. I know things aren't hers. In my point of view, I was trying to be considerate to see if she still wanted to keep the items. The toaster is not yours, the bathroom cleaning products are not yours. I ask you if you wanted to keep them because they might come in handy after we move and you said you wanted to keep those things. I accidentally brought up an incident two months ago and she got extremely upset at me.

Wednesday, I honestly forgot that I needed to be at the reception to sign off the lease to the apartment. She was angry at me for two extra days because of that. She did not confront me until tonight because another issue came up.

Today, I booked a bus ticket to Adelaide on the 25th and booked a car from Adelaide to Alice Spring on the 26th with Louie. She wanted to go to Alice Spring for an interview and I wanted to try a road trip to Alice Spring if I can find someone else to split the cost with. Just so happened that we found a car from Hertz that needed relocation and we only have to pay $1/day for the car rental but we have to pick up the car on the 26th. We booked everything before I left the hostel. (For a while, we were planning a trip to the Grampians, but nothing really solidified and no one was really planning much other than "oh, lets go." However, we all took the days off for ANZAC Day for that.) When Isabel and Satie came home, I told them the plan I just made today. They got angry at me. I was inconsiderate to not tell them my plans before booking my bus and car. They feel that I should tell them my plans before booking anything rather than telling them that after the fact. I tried to play it off like, "Okay, I'm wrong. Sorry." because I honestly didn't think I had any fault in that and I didn't feel like arguing but it only made Isabel more angry to the point where she took her dinner back into her room to eat. When Satie came out of the shower, she talked with me about what Isabel felt. She felt like I didn't let her know anything and just went ahead and made my own plans. Yes, I kind of did that because Satie said she didn't want go to Grampians if it's more than a day trip. I didn't want to go to the Grampians if it's just a day trip because 6 hour drive is tiring on top of hiking for the day and I don't think it's enjoyable if it's just a day trip. Then Satie brought up the day of our lease signing. I said, "Okay, I'm sorry. I honestly forgot that I had to be there." She stormed off.

What's going on... Am I really inconsiderate? Is this part of having a relationship between humans? I haven't felt like this ever since I've arrived in Australia. My whole trip, I was a carefree free spirit person just going with the flow. All of a sudden, I make some close friends and now I have all these issues going on. I believe I am a very care free person and not that many things bother me. Even if something bothers me, I usually suck it up and move on because ignorant is bliss. I rather deal with it and not let the other person know than to let them know because humans get offended easily and things only get worse. I have no authority to make them wrong because I don't feel like I am perfect as well. We all do things that we don't mean to hurt or bother others. Afterall, we are humans. We bomb other countries thinking that will solve problems because talking doesn't work. I have apologized more than I have done in the past. The facts are out there and we cannot change it. I don't know what you want me to do.

And that's why I feel like I will never find a partner that will match my personality. Someone who is carefree and free spirited. Someone who doesn't get bothered by minuscule issues; just shrug it off and move on. Someone who is tidy and clean. Someone who enjoy cooking together. Someone like my mother... I finally realized how 伟大 my mother really is. She never once minded how I am and how I turned out to be. She didn't complain about cleaning after me. She didn't get bothered that she needed to bring food up to my room because I'm too lazy to go downstairs. She didn't mind that she needed to pick me up after school because I had to stay after to do work. I read some articles that we are deeply influenced by how our parents raised us up and our ideal partners are something like our parents. Afterall, that's why we love our parents, right?