Calling it Over?

I couldn't sleep, so I decided to pull out my laptop and blog about it.

My parents are taking care of Dexter for me for the past few months while I am away from home. Last month, my mom sent me a WeChat message saying that Dexter was behaving weird. He lost his appetite and seemed to be lack of energy for anything. He'd do his business on his walk and turn around immediately to head back home. At night, he'd start whining when my parents go upstairs to sleep. I got worried, but my mom reassured me that the very next day, he was back to normal and very energetic. A few days ago, my mom told me he randomly vomited in the middle of the day and he hasn't been having appetite for his own food. Dexter has been pretty spoiled with table food, so I kind of just brushed it off and assumed that he'll be fine. Today, I received multiple messages from my mom saying he is still not really eating food. He vomited again in the living room and it took my mom the whole day to clean and to get rid of the smell. For the past two days, he didn't do his #2 on his walk but instead do it over night in the living room.

That has been stressing me out all day. I was not in the mood to go to Mundo Lingo, but I ended up going because I wanted to take my mind off of that for a bit. I keep reminding myself to not stress over something that I cannot control, but Dexter is really important to me. Is it my parent's fault? They're spoiling him to no end. He's getting table food. My mom would let him out on his own to do his business while she goes to take a shower. He'd disappear into the woods for hours before coming back to the house. He's lacking discipline and no one to follow because my parents are so laid back with him. But it's not my parent's fault. It's my fault for leaving him with them. My mom keeps blaming me for leaving the dog with them and I need to come home soon... I feel guilty, but I want to blame my mom for everything that has happened. For moving to Attleboro. For not caring about how I feel about moving. For being too busy about earning money hopefully to give me a better life, but ended up leaving me lost. For not being there when I really needed someone. For telling me how I should live my life. For telling me that I'm wasting my time because I should be spending my youth years earning money. I adopted Dexter because I wanted a companion. Does she know how depressing it was to drive two hours home from work to return to a 1,800 sqft house with just me in it? Attleboro was the worse years of my life.

I don't know how I feel. I don't want to say I made a wrong decision for bringing Dexter home. I would never give him up. But what am I suppose to do? The thoughts kept running through my head...
"This is the perfect time. I'm 26 years old and I am going to take this opportunity to go travel the world, experience new things, obtain new knowledge, do everything that I've ever wanted to do. Live the life that I want to live. I broke free, so don't let my parents restrain me and tell me how to live my life. At the end of the day, it's my life. I should do whatever the fuck I want to do."
I truly want to really take these youth years to just keep discovering myself. I'm not ready to go home yet. But I have this little kid at home waiting for me to go home. After hearing what was going on with Dexter, I seriously thought about flying back home next month. Will I regret cutting my travels short for a dog? Will I regret it if anything were to happen with Dexter and I can't be there for him? I don't know. I really don't know... I know that if I go home now, I won't be doing anymore long term traveling and things will just go back to how it was before; living the boring day to day same old shit life. I also worry that having my parents not knowing how to manage taking care of Dexter will hinder my enjoyment of my travels because I will be worrying about back home. I inquired a friend today about the situation and he recommended that I find a friend that can help me take care of Dexter and preferably someone that is knowledgeable about dogs. But I already feel like a burden to have my parents take care of him. It would make it worse if I ask a friend to help because it's like asking a friend to look after your own kid for 5 months. That's just unreasonable because other people have things going on with their lives to be looking after your dog. It won't be an option but thanks for caring, Justin.

I felt better after Mundo Lingo. I asked if Satie will eat out with me for dinner so I can discuss it with someone, but she had other plans with friends. I ended up going to Coles, bought some meat, and came back to the apartment to make my own dinner. I just hope that the answer will come to me soon. I asked Unkei and Danny to help with the vaccination for Dexter. My mom told me to just send information on what to show the vet over on WeChat so she can show it to them, but honestly... I don't trust leaving my mom with that on her own. The vet will start asking questions and my mom would not know what to do from there. She keeps feeling like a burden on my friends to ask for help, but my friends are really willing to help out whenever they can.