I have opened the doors to my heart and let Jesus into my life.
Four years ago, if you asked me what I think of Christianity, I would say religion is all rubbish. Never in my life time would I ever believe in those foolish things. Science has the ability to prove and disprove all kinds of things in this world so why should I ever rely on religious explanations? Religion is just another business scheme and one hell of a good one because it has convinced so many followers and one that raked in major amount of money from being a religious non-profit organization. Everything religious was just junk to me and not a chance would I fall for that. I wasn't negatively against religion, but I felt that it was not necessary in my life and it was not something that I would ever believe in.
Summer of 2013, Isabel asked me if I was interested in attending church. Back then, Isabel was more like an acquaintance. She was Eva's friend and we barely went out together. In fact, I don't think we have seen each other since graduation in 2012. Isabel was a devoted Christian and has been baptized. Many of her friends moved away from Boston area around that time, so she wanted to find some new friends to attend church with on Sundays. I thought, why not? She's pretty cute and it can be an excuse to hang out with her more often and get to know her!
We went to a church in Cambridge for the first time; some random church that she found. My thoughts? It was alright. I vaguely remember that the speaker talked about God's blessing to us and that we should treat each other with respect and gracefulness. I thought the message was very good but it didn't get to me. We left church after the worship was over for lunch. She decided to introduce me to another church that occurs in Chinatown instead. They meet every Sunday, it was more targeted towards the Asian community, and there were more people of our age.
I started attending the Boston Chinese Evangelical Church every Sunday, even on days that Isabel could not make it. I really enjoyed learning that messages of God in terms of looking at life's problem in another prospective. While you're stressed or upset or angry, there are different ways of dealing with the issue. Going to church gave me comfort. It made me feel peaceful and calm. But it still didn't get to me. I was attending every Sunday morning, but that was about it. It was quite a big church and even though people were nice to me, I didn't really meet any new friends. They all seemed to already have their own group of friends and I usually leave after the morning worship. I keep His message in mind, but it didn't really do much.
September 2013, while driving to a 5k run with Susanna and Baldwin, we got into a car accident. My car was totalled and cannot be repaired. Luckily, Susanna, Baldwin, and I were all safe. At that moment, I truly believed that God was watching over us and that he had more plans for us (I think that went through my head because I was attending church at that time). I prayed to Him that night thanking Him that we are all alive and safe. But that was about it. I didn't have a car for a month, I got lazy, and I stopped going to church. I eventually bought a bible, but it ended up in a drawer collecting dust. That was the end of that.
2015. Over the years, I'd pray about random stuff that were insignificant and lane. But then I was unhappy with my life, my job, and wanted change, but I didn't know what to do. I started praying to God asking Him to show me what I should do. Isabel turned up to have a client in Providence for a week, so she decided to stay at my house for the week since I live closer to Providence. While being at my house, I explained to her about my situation and that I am unhappy about my job and a lot of other things but didn't know what to do. She told me that I should look into this thing called a Working Holiday Visa. It's a visa that lets me go to another country, travel, and work without having to have a company sponsor me a working visa. I was still doubtful about leaving home and leaving Dexter. Within two months, I made up my mind, quit my job, and went for it. At first, I wanted to go to New Zealand, but things didn't work out so I ended up spending the year in Australia.
Things went smoothly for me and I met a lot of new friends and experience a lot of new things in Australia. When I chose to settle down in Melbourne due to my love for the city, I didn't know what to expect in Melbourne. I found a job in December 2015 and had to move out of Melbourne Metro YHA. I moved into an apartment where I met Nina and Josh, both of which attends a "care group" -- a Christian bible study group that meets every Friday night to dine together, study the words of God, an to learn more about Christianity. Nina asked if I would be interested in joining. I gladly accepted the offer thinking it's another good chance to just meet new people! After all, I made a goal to boost my confidence and talk with people instead beating around the bush bring shy.
I started to attend the care group every Friday night, even on days when Josh could not attend (Nina has already left for Sydney/Tasmania for a job opportunity). Although I was reluctant to go on some Fridays, I pushed myself to go. The care group have some of the nicest people that I have ever met. As I continue to attend the group, I gradually felt that they gave me a sense of being a part of the family. Especially Kay and Nat -- they really made me felt like being part of a close knitted family and I am welcome to attend whenever I am available. I didn't get to attend church that often which took place on Saturdays due to work at the hostel. The group is part of Seventh-Day Adventist Church. They worship on Saturday because Saturday is the seventh day of the week for them. From sunset of Friday to sunset of Saturday, they restrain from doing any work and the time is supposed to be spent with friends and God. Worship Him and go on nature walks; enjoy and take in the beauty of His creation. I really felt that I was part of a family, but I haven't felt anything for God or Jesus. I was more just there to be with the people than to be part of a religious thing.
Easter was around the corner. Nat told me about a camping trip that is occurring over Easter weekend with the church and he recommended that I should attend. He said it'd be fun and there's going to be a lot of people there; over a hundred! At first, I was very hesitant about going. Even with early registration, it was $150! That can last me a whole week worth of food! I was about to back out, but something made me felt that I should just go and enjoy it because the people in my care group was going to be here and I wanted to take that opportunity to get to know them better. Plus, I have never tried camping before, so it would be a great opportunity to experience camping. Also, there's going to be A LOT of people which means a great chance to meet more new people!!
I registered early and took Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off from work, but I was still hesitant... I didn't pay until the last moment when I was for sure that I was going to go! Lol... My housemate was saying that I might regret going because I wasn't religious at all and I might feel out of place. I said I'm just going to have fun and do all the non-religious things. Thursday night, I packed my small backpack and downloaded a Bible app so I can refer to it since they sent out an email listing what to bring, including a bible.
Friday morning, I kind of over slept. I wanted to wake up at 8, be out of my apartment by 9:30 and get to Melbourne University by 10:15. That was the time that the email said we will meet up at, but I showed up at 10:23 and we were waiting for people until 11:30 haha... I got paired up with Adrian's car along with Miriam and Tess, everyone from Olive Trees care group~ The drive was not bad and we got there safely. It's weird that once I leave the city, it's all farm land and empty land haha... In Massachusetts, we can still see houses in the suburbs wayyyy out of the city. We settled down and started doing some warm up mini activities/ice breakers to get to know our individual groups better.
Overall, the camp was filled with really fun activities as well as talks. It can't always be fun and games, you know! I always enjoy informative discussion panels. I don't know why people always think it's boring (Anime Boston, ECCASU, Knowledge Week, etc.). I guess it's because I'm the kind of person that is always seeking for new knowledge, so I enjoy attending discussion panels. I met a lot of new friends and I felt... Different. I was more open. When we did reflections on talks, I actually voluntarily speak in the group as to in the past, I wouldn't speak up unless I am picked on. During bonfire, I sang out loud and had the best time of my life without worrying that other people might judge me. I truly felt that these people accept you for who you are. They're different kind of people. They're the kind of people that loves you for who you are. They won't think you're weird. They won't exclude you from them because they think you're different. A lot of them even approached to talk to me. I felt comfortable greeting other people that I did not know as to regularly, I'd just shift my eyes away like I did not see them.
But the greatest thing about this Easter camp is that it changed me. I truly felt I was touched by the messages sent from God when the speakers were teaching.
"What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he loses one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness, and go after the one which is lost until he finds it? And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing." - Luke 15:4-5
Jesus would never leave you wandering. He celebrates one sinner who repents rather than only caring for the 99 that does not need to repent. "I would never leave you hangin'~" Another thing that hit me was that Jesus loves you no matter what. He has unconditional love for you and he's knocking on your door waiting for you no matter how long it takes.
While reflecting, Miriam mentioned something that I been seeking for for a long long time.
"People say if you don't see God, how do you know that he exist? But can you see wind? Can you see love? They're not something that you can see, but something that you can feel. That is just like God. You will feel His presence and his love. You don't need to see Him to believe in Him."
Slowly but surely, near the end of the camp, I finally felt Him... I started thinking and everything seemed to piece together... Jesus has been looking over me this whole time. Back in 2013, Isabel told me that if I truly believe in Him, I should find a night before going to bed to pray to Jesus. Tell Him that you are ready to let Him into your life and to ask for forgiveness for all of your sins. Tell Him that I will let Him lead my life and I will trust in Him and believe in Him. I did that one night but then totally brushed it off like I didn't do anything. But over the years, He was leading my life. He saved me from the car crash. He heard my prayers. He sent Isabel to me to let me know about Working Holiday visa. He led me to Australia. He led me to Melbourne. He led me to my current apartment to meet Nina and Josh. He led me to Olive Trees care group. He led me to Easter camp. It was all part of his plan to save me and educate me. It was all part of His plan to provide me the opportunity to learn more about Him and welcome Him into my life and to trust Him on his plans. I welcomed Him into my heart once and I want to do it once again. This time, I will genuinely let Him into my life and let Him lead me because I know He knows me better than I do. Jesus Christ, I want to make space in my heart for you.
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