Life can be so fragile, huh... Once one leaves this world, you cannot bring them back ever again, even if you just want to see that person one more time and tell them how much you cared for them.
I didn't really know Carlena that well, but she was one of my friend's niece. I met her at Anime Boston 2014 and I got to see her one last time at Anime Boston 2015. I knew she didn't have a happy childhood, but on the outside, she never showed one ounce of sadness. She always looked like a happy child, a kind hearted person. She was a talented child by what I see on her Instagram. She practiced martial art, she dances, and she makes her own anime content on Instagram. She always messaged me on Facebook and started calling me oniichan. I was like okayyyy... One time, I went to visit her at her parent's house. That night, I'm not sure if it was fake or not but she kept saying she heard gunshots and told me to go visit her because her parents left her at the house while they went out for movies. I don't know what was going through my mind, but I kind of just went along with it. When i arrived, she was in her cosplay and she was just at home watching really dark anime MV on YouTube. She showed me some of the music she liked on YouTube and it was all dark stuff with Miku in them. I stayed for a good 30 minutes and told her about an anime called No Game No Life before leaving. That day, she got my number and ever since, she would spam call me ever so often.
I didn't really pay much attention to her in general, but I think she felt blessed that they made some new friends from Anime Boston; including Andy. I'd chat with her on Facebook, but that was about it. Maybe I was important to her, or maybe I'm just another friend. I really wished that I gave her more attention, but I just didn't bother to deal with it. I thought it was just a phase, you know... You're a teenager, super emotional, just wants attention, talk about death, etc. I've been through that stage and I got over it. But now that she has left this world, it just hits me in the face. Was it partly my fault that I didn't assist her? Could I have made a difference if I gave her more attention? Was there anything that I could have done to help her get through the though times?
This freakin sounds like a anime playing in the background; girl finds a senpai and he thinks she's super weird so he ignores her. She goes and do crazy things because things don't work out how she wants it.
I wish I can see her one last time and tells her that things will get better. I hope things will be better now. She's at a happier place now, filled with tranquility and joy. There's no more bullies to pick on her for being different. Rest in peace, Carlena.
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