A New Journey Awaits!

I have a flight in 3 hours to catch flying to Christchurch, New Zealand! :) I'll be going with Satie and Marco. I know it will be a great and fun trip. It will be a good time for me to take the time and reflect on life.

I've been so lazy this past week. I kept telling myself to finish my previous blog, but I never got around to it. I've been doing planning for this New Zealand trip as well as following the market regarding the exit of UK. It's amazing how one country's decision can impact the whole world. I ran into some stupid things while booking flights and a campervan, but I guess it's okay. I take it as a lesson and know what to do next time.

Recently, I've been thinking a lot about returning to Melbourne for longer term. This trip, I've been experimenting a lot with cooking. While living here with Marco that has been studying pastry, I've been taking interest in cooking with him. I actually have fun cooking because he gives me tips and the way he cooks look intriguing. With a creative side in me, I was thinking maybe I can come back to Melbourne to study pastry and eventually get PR here. Haha... I don't know if that's really what I want, but I need to start making my own decisions. Maybe I'll go back home for a year, see how the environment treats me, then make a decision based on that. It's good enough to have the idea rather than doing long term planning. At least now, I know I have the courage to make a change when I am unhappy because I have already took a big step to quit my job to come here. I love Melbourne. I feel like I have a family here with my church friends. Everything here is great, or so I want to think so. :) God has a plan for me, so there's no reason to beat around the bush about something insignificant.

Anyways, I need to start getting ready to head out. I'll keep this updated as much as possible. I won't be bringing my laptop, so I can free up some space.

Blessed

Melbourne is too engrained into me. I feel like this is my home. My family is here and I want to stay here because this is where I feel happiness. Although I do not have any source of income right now, I am blessed to have friends around me that will continue to pray for my well being and Adrian continues to let me live at his place free of charge.

Today was Sabbath Day and I went to church again. Church never fails to excite me and gives me hope and love. People there loves my presence. Today, I learned that I need to be patient. We give in to instant gratification too easily now a days. We need to develop a sense of patience so we can achieve something that we long for. There might be a lot of obstacles, but as long as we continue to work hard and don't give into bad habits, we will achieve what we desire. 4 people got baptised today and their testimonies were wonderful. People come from different backgrounds and life experiences, but God has somehow touched their heart and give them hope. The love for God is so powerful that they decide to dedicate their life long journey to let God guide them. Their testimonies were really inspirational. Who knows, maybe in a few years, I will be making the same decisions as these friends to devote my life long journey into God's hand.

Cooking

NZ

Home 

Walking with Christ

Although we do not always walk a smooth path in our lives, I believe that He has a reason and plan for the things that we experience in life. My trip has been a big roller-coaster with ups and down, loops and falls, sideways and back. As we continue to walk this life, we learn new things with each step that we take. I believe it's not the end of the world when you fall, but a beginning of something better because we have learned something new to add value into our lives.

I have finally came back to Melbourne, a place where I can call my second home because I have a family here. It's great to be back with Christ. Friday night, I went to care group and even though there weren't many people attending due to final exam week, those that were able to attend were so excited and happy to see me. Today, I went to church and same occurrence happened. Everyone was so excited to see me. This feeling of comfort and joy is everlasting. It's unfortunate that Kevonnie is departing from the church because she has finished her semester of exchange here in Melbourne. She is a super awesome person. She is super confident, funny, nice, talkative, smart, and always put a joy on your face. Have a tendency to speak before she thinks though that makes her genuinely a great person that speaks her mind. We had a farewell party with her after sermon and everyone that attended had nothing but great things to say about Kevonnie. Although the farewell party was for Kevonnie, I also felt a sense of joy in my heart too. Most of the church consist of university students and probably age ranging from 18-40, but they're all have such big hearts. For the longest time back at home, I just believe this world is cruel and dark. Everyone fends for themselves; survival of the fittest. But here we are, bringing back all the memories of those that were created with Kevonnie. We hold those that are dear to us in our minds and it continues to live on regardless of the duration of the event. Humans are weird, huh? You see people killing people on the news everyday; one mass shooting per day in the US. Then you see a one big family in a small city where everyone genuinely cares about each other, supporting each other, praying, embracing, encouraging, helping, and loving each other regardless of appearance, background, beliefs, ideas, nationality, or anything. God has the power to bring us all together.

When things weren't going well and everything seemed to just step on me, I was starting to feel home sick and really wanted to go home. Home is where we have a supporting environment and where we can feel safe. But who would have known that the place I return to turned out to be Melbourne... I was going to leave Australia, but the home that God brought me back to was here. I'd be lying if I say I pray everyday. I pray when I remember and not just pray for my well-being and desires, but to thank Lord for his blessing that I am alive and well. I thank Him that although I have been going through a lot, I still have friends and families by my side that are willing to support me and gives me courage and hope to keep my head up and continue my path. Haha, I feel like hardcore Christian talking about God this Jesus that, but I really am not. I believe they're really guiding me. As long as you do your part, leave it into His hand and He will make the right decision for you because He knows you more than you know about yourself.

I have another good news! Due to the car rental company not replying to my emails and calls to attempt to get supporting documents for my travel insurance claim, I have filed a dispute with my credit card company to challenge the AU$6,200 that they have charged me for damage recovery. Just Thursday night, Marco asked me if there were any follow ups because it has been two weeks. I checked Wednesday but there were nothing. I checked again and BAM! The car rental company has decided to refund me ~AU$4,200. I don't know if it was because the travel insurance company and the credit card company are targeting them making them scared, but I'm glad that I was refunded at least some amount. AU$2,000 is still a lot of money, but I honestly did caused some damages to the car. I'm really glad that things are working out for me now... I'm back in Melbourne with those that I love. I'm with my church family. I received some money back so I can be more flexible instead of being super stingy with my spending. Although I cannot find any jobs, I want to spend a little bit more time in Melbourne before I really head back home. I can't bare the thoughts of leaving this place..... Although there are pain in my heart.

I rather not know for the rest of my life so nothing will ever happen than to know and know that it can never happen...

I've been trying to convince myself that due to all these things happening and I basically cross the line of losing someone's trust, I am not suitable nor ready to have a significant other. I want to believe that if I continue to improve myself as a person overall, the right one will appear naturally. But... I see her everyday and my heart would start to ache that I can never be with her besides being a very good friend. What is it that we seek? Is friendship not enough? Why do we need to fall in love? Today was a wonderful day. Everything was going great and I was really happy to be able to spend Sabbath Day with those who cares. Adrian, Marco, and I even went out for dinner and ice-cream. Everything was going great until I started noticing all the love that exist on the streets. People embracing. People holding hands. People kissing. It got into my head again. The questionnaire of "Why" drenched my mind. Once again, I used League of Legends to escape from the world of reality into a land of empty thoughts. Focus on my game play so I don't have to think.

There's More to Learn in Life

This trip around Australia has nothing less of what I really need in life. An adventure, an experience, a lesson, a hope, a chance... To develop and become a better person. I mean, that's what I told my friends that is what I wanted to gain out of this trip -- to become a better person.

I lost track of my goal and continued to live life how I used to live it, careless and irresponsible. I thought I was a happy go lucky mature individual, but I guess that I haven't really grew up at all. I'm still stuck at my immature stage and pretend everything is okay and great. Selfish and lazy.

This trip back to Melbourne, I thought I fell in love and was heart broken. I think like a typical "nice guy" because I'm one of them. I thought I was a nice guy but they don't see that and just go for bad guys because they're more exciting. But in reality, I'm not who I thought I am and definitely not as genuine as I thought I would be. I have been so careless that I lost the trust of someone that was very dear to me. At the time of what I thought was despair, I reckless as to saying ridiculous things that does not even matter. Actions speak louder than words. Henry, you can't fix things by just saying stupid things. Slowly patch it up with your actions and regain the person's trust.

Decisiveness. It has been one thing that I have been trying to tackle for a really long time. Libra is known to be indecisiveness, but I believe that if we have the will for change, we can overpower silly fortune telling and be what we want to be. I mean, I've went from taking half a year to decide on which phone to buy to taking 2 months to quit my job and coming to Australia.

Every day is a lesson and every chance is an opportunity for growth and development. It's never too late to learn and this trip has done nothing but teach me more of what I need to be. The earlier I learn, the faster I grow. I've been sheltered for far too long. Everything was given to me so I didn't have to learn about these life skills. My whole trip had a purpose. He listened and brought me here. Thank you.

有恁快走恁快。。。

Dude, he's crazy!

Sometimes, I feel bad for living at his place. He doesn't charge me any money for living there and he usually won't let me pay for groceries unless I go and buy my own thing. He lets me cook once in a while, but he said he rather cook himself because he wants to get better at cooking. So I was like whatever, he's a friend and he's okay with me doing that, so I'll let him come to my place if he ever comes to Massachusetts. Mind that he's probably in his 50s I think... Or that's what he looked like.

One night, he prepared dinner. He called me out to eat and told me that the rice has gone cold, so I better hurry and eat it. I tasted it and it was cold. But rice don't get cold 2 minutes out of the rice cooker.
Me: "Did you scoop it out of the rice cooker for a long time?"
Him: "No, I just scooped it out and put the food on top of the rice."
Me: "Okay. Just to let you know, you don't have to unplug the rice cooker immediately once the rice finish cooking. The cooker will keep the rice warm for a very long period of time as long as you keep it plugged in. The rice won't overcook."
Him: "No! I didn't take the rice out for a long time! I just scooped it out and put the food on top! I don't think you appreciate my cooking, is that it?!?!!? I'm trying my best to cook and you just complain!"
Me: o______________o "I never said I don't appreciate your cooking. I always thanked you for cooking."
Him: "Now you want to start an argument with me??? You don't have to eat it if you don't appreciate it!"
Me: .____________.

Yesterday, when I was about to leave the house.
Me: "Hey, I'm going to head out to the library."
Him: "Okay. Do you want to use the front door?"
Me: "No, it doesn't matter. I'll use the side door since my shoes are here already."
Him: "Here, let me open the front door for you. Use the front door."
Me: "Nawww, it's fine. I'll use the side door since it's already opened and unlocked."
Him: "Are you trying to start an argument with me?!?!?? I don't think you appreciate living here!"
Me: o_________________________________o *dude wtf*
Him: "You know, I'm just being nice and letting you stay here! You don't appreciate living here, huh?!?!?? You can leave anytime!"
Me: .____________. "No, I don't not appreciate living here. I just don't think it's such a big deal where I get out of the house from... Fine, I'll use the front door. Sorry."
Him: "Now you're getting me all worked up! It's a courtesy thing to have my guest go out from the front door!"
Me: *dude calm the fuck down. It's no big deal*

Because of these, I started to feel uncomfortable. Not only that. The other day, we were talking about Christianity and I brought up how Christianity is against gay people and I don't agree that gay people are bad. I have plenty of gay friends and they're genuinely good people. He then revealed to me that he's gay and told me about his experience and sex life with girls and guys and I'm like........ o.......k............. I was totally fine with it, whatever. The first day I reached Perth and came to his house, he mentioned that his bathroom wall paints are chipping and ripping off because of too much moisture since the exhaust fan doesn't really do anything. His solution was to keep the bathroom door a little bit opened so the steam would dissapate so it won't cause the paint to chip even more. I ignored that because I like my privacy when I'm taking a shower. Even in high school gym class, I didn't feel comfortable with open showers where everyone just showered together. One night, I was taking a shower and he didn't even knock. He opened the door a bit and told me that he wants the door opened up a little so the steam won't ruin the paint. I was like dude, wtf o_____o At least knock....

I told Marco about all this and he told me to book a ticket and leave as fast as possible.
To be honest, I think he's a nice guy. But it got to the point of awkwardness that I don't even feel comfortable saying anything back to him fearing that I'd offend him. He likes talking and in a conversation, I like to be giving replies to give a sense of I'm paying attention. I don't like having no input or anything to say back to him. But it has gotten to that point of no return. I was waiting for Rafael to get back to me if I could get a job at Gensuke back in Melbourne, but I booked a flight that very night to get back to Perth. I don't think I feel comfortable staying here with him anymore. The flight was a bit expensive, but I calculated it and it'd be more expensive if I lived in a hostel for four more days to catch a cheaper flight. So here I am at the airport waiting for my flight back to Melbourne. No job. No money. No honey. T^T But that's okay. I wanted to go back before I depart anyways. Melbourne is where I've created a lot of memories and friends that I truly hold dear to me for my lifetime.

100 Years vs. 26 Years

I've been neglecting my blog! Haha... Been too lazy to put in some updates. I've been running into some misfortunes lately and after a whole month, I've finally found my answer.

My last update was I shrekt'd a car and had to pay AU$6200. My friend Louie had a friend 3hrs from Perth that was working in a farm and said that she can get me in. When I purchased my flight to Perth and on my way to Adelaide, she told me that day 6 Europeans quit and her boss got REALLY angry so they don't want to hire anymore Westerners (Americans, Europeans). So here I am, spent AU$420 to get to Perth with nothing. Luckily, I called up my old friend John that I met at Adelaide and he provided me a place to stay while I continue to plan out what to do next.

I spent the next few weeks miserably applying to jobs and playing TPPC with Marco. I got denied from McDonald's and Coles Supermarket and I started to wonder... My parents spent so much money so I can get a university degree and have a good paying job. But here I am getting denied from basic jobs. Does that make me a failure? I went back to reading one of my e-book which I really stand by called The Power of Self-Confidence. People aren't failure. We think we're a failure because failing seemed to hit us harder than we're being successful and plowing through it. Instead of thinking what have we failed today, try writing down the things that we have accomplished today. To build confidence, you have to keep reminding yourself that you're different in your own way and you succeed differently than other people.

Marco has also been really great to me. Not that he has done much, but it's the things that he's saying. Something along the lines of "You may live to 100 years old. But if you lived 100 years of misery, you can't really say you have lived. You may have lived 26 years of being happy and if you die, you'll know you've lived." Also in the book The Power of Self-Confidence, it mentioned a scenario. A little girl discovered that she has a talent for painting and arts. Her parents tell her to stop kidding herself, she's meant to grow up and take over the family farm business. So she puts her dream aside and focus on what her parents told her. She grows up, continues the farm business, and gotten to her 70s and decided to retire. When she retired, she decided to go to an art shop and ask the sales what she needs for painting. She purchased everything she needed and started to paint. A few years later, her painting got into museums and galleries. Her paintings are naturally so good that one piece sold for $100,000. Because she had natural talent, she could have became one of the most successful artist in her lifetime if she had continued to follow her own dreams.

Today, I have finally came to my senses. For the past month since I got into that incident with the car rental, as far as I try to pretend that I'm still laid back and chill, I can't deny that I have been pretty miserable. All I can think of was to find a job and make that money back so I don't go home empty handed. If I can't find a job by the end of May, I'm just going to give up everything and go back home to start over new. But today, I had a different feeling. I may live 100 years but if I lived my 100 years in misery, then I haven't really lived. I'm going to stop looking for jobs. I'm going to look through my bank accounts and see how much money I have left to spend. I'm going to do some budgeting and go travel all around Southeast Asia for the next two months before heading back to Boston. For the longest time, I wanted to avoid Southeast Asia because you hear all these scary stories about wars, crimes, drugs, kidnaps, people getting into trouble, and getting stuck in some foreign country and cannot go home. Southeast Asia sounds like it's all third world countries and I'll be killed or have all my organs stolen and sold the moment I hop off the plane. But then again, I've met so many people from this trip that has went all over Southeast Asia before coming to Australia. When I mention I'm from the US, the first thing that comes to people's mind is guns and Donald Trump. They see America as a dangerous place because there's mass shooting everyday. That's what they see in the news and that's what they know. Same with Southeast Asia.

I don't know... Is it safe to travel to those places on my own? Regardless, I'm going to start planning and once I get my charger back, I'm going to give it a go. I cannot improve myself unless I keep breaking the barriers. I always chase for personal growth and improvement. I want to be a better human being. I've been protected all my life. I follow what my mom tells me to do and I believe what she say is the correct way to live life because she's more knowledgeable than me. But it's not. Her mentality is to settle down and have a normal life with a good paying job and a family with some family vacations from time to time.

Last night, I felt like this is my second chance prime time to really develop myself. My trip to Hong Kong/Shanghai back in 2012 was my first and last chance to be travelling with a big group of university students. Instead of cutting the string loose and go wild, I decided to be loyal to my then girlfriend. I held back. I didn't go to bars or clubs. I didn't really hang out with friends. I didn't get drunk. I didn't try new things (I even declined trying shisha when I went out with friends... wtf?) I'd come back after work and Skype with her. I feel like this is my last chance because once you hit 30, it's like... Reality hits you in the face and you gotta have a stable job and stuff so you can enjoy retirement. Before 30 is when you get out, see new things, do new things, experience new things, develop yourself, shape your life.

At the end of the day, it's my life and it's my future. I've been trying to break this barrier little by little. University > Summer Internship Abroad > Australia. Every time, I change myself for the better. I need to keep this rolling. Who knows. I might get myself in trouble mid way, but I can say I really lived my life the way I want to live it.

I will update once I get stuff sorted out. If a job opportunity comes up from Australia in the meantime, I'll stay for a little bit longer. If not, it's time to spread my wings and fly.