Cracked Metal Egg

I'm just a cracked metal egg. I try to appear to be a strong person, but I'm actually really weak...

These few days, I've been applying to jobs endlessly. I disregard the locations and what kind of jobs. As long as the job does not require special certification, I apply. I'm so tired of typing cover letters, but I'm still going and I'm still hunting. I know that if I do my part and put in effort, I will get something.

My friend has actually been blaming herself for what happened because she felt that she should not have dragged me to Central Australia. I reassured her that it was my decision and I didn't want to drag her down, that's why I told her she doesn't have to pay for the damage fee. She still felt bad and since she has a lot of connections in Alice Springs, she has been asking around for people to help me, including speaking with the YHA manager to see if he can get me a volunteer for accommodation position so I can save some money while I look for jobs. I asked Roger the manager if the position opened back up because they posted signs everywhere. He said he'll have to ask the housekeeping girls if they wanted to do it too and told me to come back tomorrow. My friend inquired me and I said Roger told me to ask him tomorrow. She asked if I told him my situation because it would be a different case!

I grew up with no one I can rely on. I learned to rely on myself. My parents leave for work before I wake up for school and they come home from work when I've already went to sleep. I don't trust them with my feelings and I would always just keep it in myself. As the only sibling in my family, I do things my way and deal with problems myself. That's how I felt all this time. My whole life, I dislike asking people to help me on anything, whether it be personally or career wise. I don't like asking for help. I don't like asking for referrals. I feel like it's too bothersome and people have their own things going on in their life. It's only extreme cases where I will ask for help, such as asking Unkei to look after my family because that's the only option I have. I don't want people to pity me. I don't want people to feel bad for me.  I dip my own feet into the crocodile den. It's my responsibility to fix it.

Louie finally cracked my shell. She said I need to stop being so stupid and acting tough. I'm not strong. I'm actually really weak. There's nothing wrong asking for help because everyone in this world needs an extra hand sometime. To me, I fell down and I need to pick myself back up. To her, it's okay to ask for an extra hand to get back up. Friends are out there for support. True friends will always have your back. I'm not strong enough to ask for help. In reality, I have so many friends on standby ready to help me if I ever need a hand.

"Ask for help not because you are weak, but because you want to remain strong." - Les Brown