Cracked Metal Egg

I'm just a cracked metal egg. I try to appear to be a strong person, but I'm actually really weak...

These few days, I've been applying to jobs endlessly. I disregard the locations and what kind of jobs. As long as the job does not require special certification, I apply. I'm so tired of typing cover letters, but I'm still going and I'm still hunting. I know that if I do my part and put in effort, I will get something.

My friend has actually been blaming herself for what happened because she felt that she should not have dragged me to Central Australia. I reassured her that it was my decision and I didn't want to drag her down, that's why I told her she doesn't have to pay for the damage fee. She still felt bad and since she has a lot of connections in Alice Springs, she has been asking around for people to help me, including speaking with the YHA manager to see if he can get me a volunteer for accommodation position so I can save some money while I look for jobs. I asked Roger the manager if the position opened back up because they posted signs everywhere. He said he'll have to ask the housekeeping girls if they wanted to do it too and told me to come back tomorrow. My friend inquired me and I said Roger told me to ask him tomorrow. She asked if I told him my situation because it would be a different case!

I grew up with no one I can rely on. I learned to rely on myself. My parents leave for work before I wake up for school and they come home from work when I've already went to sleep. I don't trust them with my feelings and I would always just keep it in myself. As the only sibling in my family, I do things my way and deal with problems myself. That's how I felt all this time. My whole life, I dislike asking people to help me on anything, whether it be personally or career wise. I don't like asking for help. I don't like asking for referrals. I feel like it's too bothersome and people have their own things going on in their life. It's only extreme cases where I will ask for help, such as asking Unkei to look after my family because that's the only option I have. I don't want people to pity me. I don't want people to feel bad for me.  I dip my own feet into the crocodile den. It's my responsibility to fix it.

Louie finally cracked my shell. She said I need to stop being so stupid and acting tough. I'm not strong. I'm actually really weak. There's nothing wrong asking for help because everyone in this world needs an extra hand sometime. To me, I fell down and I need to pick myself back up. To her, it's okay to ask for an extra hand to get back up. Friends are out there for support. True friends will always have your back. I'm not strong enough to ask for help. In reality, I have so many friends on standby ready to help me if I ever need a hand.

"Ask for help not because you are weak, but because you want to remain strong." - Les Brown

No Matter How Hard or Deep You Fall...

We always think that when we fail, it's like the end of the world. We weigh failures so much heavier than success because we cruise through success but don't know how to deal with failure...

Did I make a poor choice? Why does when I fail, a lot of things seem to hit my face into the brick wall all at once?

My time here in Northern Territory hasn't been all that great... And my time here hasn't been great memories so far. The only jobs that I can get here are retails or fast food restaurants; which I don't really want to take because I came to Australia to learn new things, not repeat what I've done.

So my friend and I ended up booking a car to go to a road trip around Central Australia. Last year, she has already went on a tour group of all the places that we've planned to go, but she wanted to see some more things that she didn't get to do last time such as taking a picture with the Alice Springs town sign or climbing Uluru and many other things. This trip was kind of stressful on me because she is a very slow person that takes her time with everything. I wasted a lot of time just waiting for her to get ready to start the day. Not only that, but I'd find myself waiting for her where ever I go. She's also a big mess too, so I always find myself cleaning after her. I was pretty satisfied about getting to visit Uluru, Kata Tjuta, and Kings Canyon. She wasn't satisfied because she has already done all of these things. I told it's not because I didn't want to go to those extra places, but it's because we don't have time... On top of that, we really wanted to go to Uluru - Field of Lights which is a new thing where they setup lights all around Uluru for the year, but the event was cancelled two nights in a row due to the rain.

So anyways, we left for the trip on Sunday and planning on heading back on Wednesday afternoon. Two days earlier, Uluru area had a HUGE raining storm; 120 meters of rain (360ft) which resulted in road closure around that area. Central Australia gets rain three times a year... Lucky me to be there when it decides to rain. The stormed moved on to Alice Springs by the day we head out for the trip. When picking up the car, it didn't even phase me that I might encounter trouble due to the rain so I didn't purchase full premium insurance. I thought I was going to be okay, which was weird because every time I rented a car in Melbourne, I'd buy full insurance. On our way out, it was pouring baddd. It wasn't until we reached the intersection to get to Uluru when it started getting better. Throughout the trip, we had really nice weather actually; the perfect weather for hiking.

Then it went downhill from here on out. I had fun at Kings Canyon and I met a French guy named Raynold while hiking and he has been all over the place, studying abroad at Ohio too. We departed at the finish line and we went out way wishing each other good luck. I filled up my tank and continue on my way. Google Maps showed me the shortest route back to Alice Springs which turned out to be the back road with unpaved roads and it was just all gravel. It is highly recommended that we only go on this road if we have a 4-wheel drive. Our rental car was a front-wheel drive. By this time, I was already way over the 500km limit that I was given for the car rental. We have already spent a lot of gas. So I took my chances and tried to get back home via the back road. I was still hesitant about it because I had a feeling that I might cause some damage to the car but I went with my guts after an hour into the gravel road. Worse decision ever. On our way back, we encountered a HUGE puddle of water left from the rain storm a few days back. I tried to drive around the side so I can avoid the puddle because I didn't know how deep it was. People say there were puddles 2 meters deep which was why roads were closed. While driving around the side, the car decided to get stuck because the mud on the side of the road was super soft and the wheels could not get any grip. Our car got stuck and I started to panic. I went out and told Louie to put the car on reverse and I'll try to push the car from the outside, but it didn't work. We found a car not so far from ours that was jacked, completely broken into, and robbed of all the seats, stereo, wheels, backup tires, everything... We took the bumper off to try to use that to dig ourselves out. It also didn't work. This was located on the back roads, there's no street lights, there's no phone signal even for Telstra, there's nothing except trees and sand, and it was 6:30PM almost getting to sunset. No one drives here from darn to dusk because it's super dangerous; that's when the animals come out which will wreck your car if you hit them. We tried to call 000 and 112 because you know, emergency numbers are supposed to work during your worse case scenario, but we couldn't even call those numbers without signal. The only option for us is to wait. Wait until people drive by to see if they can help pull us out. We put on the hazard lights, but the car battery decided to die after a few hours. Two people drove by before the sun set, but they couldn't help us because they didn't have the equipment. We told them to send help once they get to the next town. I started to feel hopeless and scared and then I started to realize. All my life, I've been protected by my mom and everything was good for me. In situations like these, I am completely clueless on how to deal with it. I just get scared, frustrated, and upset. I started to worry if I was just going to die here; either get eaten by an animal, someone comes over and tries to loot us, or something. We tried to get past the night by sleeping it off, but my body was so alert because I was scared that if I fall asleep, something bad will happen especially with no hazard lights on.

It wasn't until 7:30AM when I saw a car drive by. I immediately got out of the car and that person saw me, so he drove back to see if I needed any help. He turned out to be going home from his work. He worked at a gas station and just so happen that he had a radio to contact his office to send help. He didn't have the tools, but he said he called and sent someone down with tools in 30 minutes. God really answered by prayers. I knew He was testing my patience and I know he's going to help me. If it wasn't for this person, we'd still be stuck there. 40 minutes later, another car came by with the tools to pull our car out. He was super nice and even offered us two bottles of water just in case. He pulled us out and told us not to avoid the puddles. By this time, the puddles should be died up a bit and it should be pretty shallow. We are safer to drive in the middle of the road where there's elevation and gravel with rocks so the tires would have a grip. He made sure we were all okay before he let us go. He didn't even charge us for coming all the way out to help us. We finally reached the next town by noon, rested, and got back to Alice Springs by 3PM. We went to the YHA and asked for a water hose and vacuum cleaner to clean up the car so it wouldn't be so obvious that we were on the off roads.

The next morning, we returned the car and indicated that we had some damage to the front of the car, but nothing major. We paid for the extra km and left the shop. Half an hour later, Thrifty called and told us that we need to go back to the shop because they found damages that we need to discuss. We went back and turned out from what they say, the car is heavily damaged to the fact that it is not safe to be on the road and they can no longer rent it out. At first before I returned the car, I thought okay, maybe the damage would cost be a few hundred dollars which I don't mind paying. The manager came out with a very frustrated mood and told us we need to pay for the full recovery damage fee which was AU$6200... There are heavy scratches on the bottom of the front bumper. The chassis is heavily damaged due to me hitting a few creek cracks. The chassis is tilted to the side due to the damage. "The car can no longer be rented out or driven. You were just lucky to be able to make it back to Alice Springs safely." They said there's no way I can argue because the pictures of the car shows that it's heavily damaged and I must pay for the cost. I had no choice but to pay it. I didn't even have enough money in my Australian account to be paying that amount of money, so I just put it on my Capital One credit card. They said that they will have someone come and evaluate the car and if there's some possibilities, we will be refunded a small amount of it is fixable. But I have an idea that they'd rather keep all the money.

We left the shop and I did not know what to feel. I had a blank face and I just continued to walk back to the hostel. I can tell that Louie was heavily frustrated by the look of her face even though I told her that I will be responsible for the full amount. I already convinced myself that it was meant to happen and we cannot control it because it's that one time I decided not to buy insurance. We just have to accept it and move on because worrying about it won't change anything. It didn't hit me until later into the night when I realized $6200 is A LOT of money... I started blaming myself that I rather save $100 on the premium insurance than to avoid the $6200 fee. I was going to treat my parents to a trip to Australia before my visa expires. I was going to drive to Darwin and travel a bit more before looking for another job. Everything seems to be happening too fast and everything seems to be going downhill so fast. I also lost Louie; we stopped talking to each other because I've been really annoying to her about her had habits. I fell in love with someone that only loved me back as like a brother... I burst out in tears in the bathroom because I couldn't hold it in anymore. Too much stress all at once and I didn't know what to do or what I'm doing.

We can't always win. There are times when we have to face the unfortunate events. It is important to fall and hit rock bottom but be able to pick yourself back up and keep on going.

My mom like to say that just pretend you paid tuition to learn something new. In this case, I've learned that it's not a wise idea to rent a car without insurance and it's not wise to travel on the off roads. But I still couldn't accept the fact that I just lost $6200 just like that. I tried to check my travel insurance, but they don't cover car rental, which is dumb because I paid US$1000 for that junk. Last night, I decided to cut my travels short. I cancelled the relocation car to Darwin regardless even if I'm losing out on my $100 booking fee. I started looking into jobs anywhere in Australia just so I can earn some money back before my visa expires.

Satie said that I might be able to get a job with Gensuke, the restaurant that she works for, but I don't know... I kind of don't want to go back to Melbourne. I have already said goodbye to everyone and I told them that I won't be back until August before I leave for home. Plus, there's nothing waiting for back in Melbourne. She doesn't love me the way I fell for her. I do have my family there, but I believe I will see them before I leave Australia.

Louie on the other hand, she's actually a wonderful friend. I love how she seems to always be positive about everything and she'd just laugh everything off. It's just that her habits are different than mine. I tend to blame others when things don't work out the way that I wanted. But I really just need to stop and think about all the things that others have assisted me on this journey through Australia. I believe every one of them are wonderful people in their own way and I hope that I can continue to be with them, in our hearts and memories.

I will keep telling myself that I can pick myself back up. I need to be strong. These unfortunate events are only lessons that keeps me growing. I don't fail enough to be the strong person that I want to be. I will make it on my own and I won't disappoint my parents, friends, family, peers. This is an experience to be learned and grow from.

New Journey!

It's always hard to say goodbye. 29th of August 2015, I reached Australia with no friends, no plans, no destination, and just holding a goal of self improvement. I've travelled all around southern Australia from Sydney, to Perth, to Adelaide, to Tasmania, and eventually falling in love with Melbourne! Not once did I expect to meet so many friends, create so many wonderful memories, do so many things, and even found God. Before I depart onto my journey, I had a rush of overwhelming joy and happiness... My co-workers gave me a farewell party. My church friends gave me a farewell hangout. My care group gave me a farewell dinner. My friends came together to bid me farewell with a hot pot night. I truly treasure every moment that has been spent here in Melbourne and it has been extremely memorable.

After I say goodbye to all of my friends, it was time I head off and continue my journey through Australia~ I have been in Melbourne for seven months and although I am in love with Melbourne, I don't know what hold in my future. I want to see the rest of the country before I depart even if I wish to return here someday in the future.

Louie, a friend I met at the hostel, and I planned a trip to take a bus from Melbourne -> Adelaide. We have found a relocation deal online where we relocate a car for Hertz from Adelaide -> Alice Springs for $1/day and we are given 3 days to get the car back to Alice Springs. 16 hour drive wasn't so bad after all! I was originally planning on making pit stops Adelaide -> Coober Pedy -> Uluru -> Alice Springs, but Louie said it's more worth it to stay at Uluru for more than just the night. I ended up miscalculating because we had Tuesday 12PM to Wednesday to Thursday and return car on Friday 12PM. Technically, we had 4 days to drive to Alice Springs. Also, I got exhausted as a solo driver and was running behind schedule, so we decided to just relax and not take it too hard on myself.

Boy what an experience of a trip haha... First day, I picked up the car at 12:36PM but we didn't really head out until 2:30PM. We reached Port Augusta by 8PM, relaxed at McDonald's for 2 hours, brushed our teeth, washed up, and ate. We were going to call it a night, but I was pretty wide awake, so we decided to continue driving and see how far we can get. Worse idea ever! All my friends suggested that I shouldn't drive during dusk to dawn because that's when the animals starts to come out since most animals are nocturnal. The whole way, I was driving 80km when the max was 110km. The way from Port Augusta to my next stop, we saw at least 6 kangaroos standing on the side of the road looking at my car pass by. Two were standing in the middle of the road; luckily I was driving slowly. I also hit a rabbit that jumped out all of a sudden. We ended up in Glendambo before I called it off... Mainly because I was tired and we didn't have enough gas to reach to the next stop haha... Glendambo wasn't even a town. It was a pit stop with little cabins for truck drivers to rest. We ended up parking at the gas station and slept until 7AM when the gas station opens again. It was my first time sleeping in a car overnight at a place that was completely pitch dark. I was so scared there were going to be desert burglars! Everyone was warning me about those scary stuff. >_> But we were fine. We got gas and continued going in the morning until we reached Coober Pedy midday. This town is the world's biggest opal mining town. We finally figured out that we miscalculated our time, so we just took the rest of the day off to look around. Louie already been to all these places when she did her working holiday, so she showed me around. We wanted to save on accommodation by showering at the TAFE school and just sleep in the car again, but we finally decided to get a hostel so I can rest up for driving. We went to Crocodile Harry's Underground Nest and I ended up teaching Louie how to drive that night! Haha... As scary was it was, I think she'll adapt.

We took a shower at the hostel again before heading out! Haha... The opportunity to shower is scarce when you're travelling long distance! The drive was smooth and I tried to rest every 2~3 hours before we reached a pit stop an hour away from Alice Springs. It was a free 24 hour camping site, so we decided to park there for the night because Louie said it might be dangerous to park at Alice Springs overnight. Apparently, Alice Springs has a crime issue where Aboriginal people get violent due to their low employment rate... It was nice to stop there for the night because it was pitch dark out there and for once in my lifetime, I saw the Milky Way~ It's pitch dark where my parents work up in New Hampshire, but I don't see the Milky Way, just stars. It was beautiful... What a journey. We rest up in the car before getting to Alice Springs.

I came here as a vacation. If I like it, I'll find a job here. Louie came here because it was her happy place when she was here for working holiday. She wanted to come back in search of a school opportunity because she no longer wanted to stay in Melbourne. We have been here for 5 days now. How do I feel? I don't know... Alice Springs has a population of 27,000 people. Everything closes around 7PM with exception of Woolworths and Coles. It's a nice quiet town, but it's not what I was seeking for when I left Melbourne. I wanted to experience a countryside life and work at a farm. In Alice Springs, the job opportunities here for me is either McDonald's, restaurants, retail stores, or office life jobs. Louie felt that I was kind of bored of the place and she felt bad that it seemed like I came here just to drive her here, but I reassured her that it was part of my travelling experience. I haven't done much these few days other than just relaxing. I applied to a few jobs in Darwin and places in Queensland. We rented a place for $115/week and we plan on heading out to Uluru after our week is up.

I don't know what lies ahead of me, but I know it will be a bright future! ^_^ Time to get some sleep~